First Crush 😉

Hey there gorgeous loves!!

One day I came home from school. I was in the third grade and It was a pretty bad day for me because I really didn’t have friends and I was mostly bullied. I would usually tend to be around the girls instead of the boys who are either playing football or playing tag. I would be called all types of names, but I’d get the worst feeling whenever I was called either gay or a fag. Coming from a very conservative family homosexuality is basically the worst thing imaginable. So after school I came home, and it was pretty warm out. I did my homework then I went outside and played with the neighborhood kids. There was this one boy (let’s call him Abdi) who would always offer me something, usually it would be candy or toys. Abdi approached me while I was watching a game of curb ball.

He grabbed me by my hand and said let’s go! The minute he held my hand I had huge a rush of adrenaline and emotions going throughout my whole body. I’ve never felt like that about anyone else before, so I was very confused. He took me on a adventure and we went to the woods to go look around I guess. Even though we weren’t really doing much I was having the best time of my life. I then tripped over a huge branch that was on the floor and I got a little cut on my arm. He helped me up and looked really sad. I asked him if everything was alright. He then said I don’t want you getting hurt, you’re my friend. It was soo sweet that I gave him a hug and told him that I’m fine and it’s just a minor cut. He said he had bandages at his house so we went back to his place. His mom was over at the neighbors and his dad was working so there was no one home. He grabbed the bandaid and put it on my arm. Two minutes later I saw him getting closer and closer until he pressed his lips against mine and then gave me my first kiss. We looked at eachother and smiled. I was really freaking out though so I told him that I have to go home or else I’d be in trouble. I gave him a hug and left. That whole night I didn’t sleep because I felt guilty for having these feelings. I honestly thought that I was probably gonna end up in hell because that’s all I’ve comed to learn. I started to avoid Abdi anytime that we would run into each other. He would come knocking at my door and ask if I wanted to play and I would always make up an excuse. Then one day he caught me walking home from the bus stop and told me that he was moving the next day. I felt so horrible inside that I honestly literally got sick and started vomiting . I wouldn’t say that It was the food that I ate that got me sick because I was feeling perfectly normal until he told me that. I went over to his place and asked if he wanted to play and he said of course. We then went to play in the neighborhood park. We started to play tag and chase eachother all around. Alot of kids were outside too that asked if they could join. We said yes, but eventually we left the game. We ended up playing wrestling, then it turned into gay wrestling. We were basically 8 year old boys who were humping eachother Lol. He then decided to call it “S Fight”. Incase y’all are wondering “S” stands for sex Haha. The next day after school I get off the bus and run to Abdi’s house to help them move and say goodbye, but by the time I got there they were already gone. I was devestated for weeks not knowing where they moved to. I started to then hate myself for liking another boy. That’s the story of my first crush! “Abdi” if you’re reading this and you remember the details of this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me it’s been so long!

I will be posting blogs Everyday Midnight Eastern Time Standard! Thank you for your support and much love💘!

Yours Truly, Queer Kidd