Hello my loves!!! Let me start off by saying Ramadan Queereem to all of my LGBTQIA+ Muslims out there! I’m hoping that everyone is having a safe, healthy and blessed month especially with the current Covid-19 pandemic! Remember to be cautious at all times and wash your hands frequently!
I also wanted to say that today is my 1 year Anniversary for this blog and I am extremely grateful for all of you who have supported me throughout this amazing journey! I promise you I could’ve never done this without your support! Y’all helped me in my healing process and I’m forever grateful to call you my family!! ❤️
If you haven’t read my last couple of blogs then you wouldn’t be fully caught up with today’s blog, so make sure you go ahead and do that first!! So it was finally summer and school had closed. I was so excited to have my first summer where I could actually have fun with the amazing friends that I had made in Mogadishu! The summer prior to that was a very lonely, sad, angry, and emotional summer so I wanted to make the best out of this one. A week into summer break and I get a call from my family letting me know that my cousin (Fartun) and my aunt (Hawo) are in town for medical reasons and that I should go visit. I remember after I got stranded my other aunt (Sahro) who had stranded me gave this cousin my number so she could “get to know me”. I told Aunty Sahro that I wasn’t interested because I was only 16 and that she’s also my first cousin, but it was also mainly because I’m gay. She didn’t say anything and she let it go and it was all forgotten about. The next day I went to go visit them and it was pretty normal and nothing weird happened that day. A few days later my family calls again and somehow convinced me to go to a different city where my grandmother was (also where Aunt and Cousin are from) at for summer break. I got on the flight 2 days later and got there very safe Alhamdulilah. It was one of the worst plane rides I’ve ever been on. It seemed like the plane was going to collapse for that whole 1 hour flight! I was there for about 45 days and so far I’m loving it! I got to experience many different things culturally, intellectually, and I got to live the nomad life for about a week or two which was surprisingly a very peaceful journey! InshaAllah I’ll save that story for another blog though!
I had only 5 days left till my flight back to Mogadishu and I was pretty excited to go back! The next day we get a call informing us that my aunt who was with my cousin had passed away from a procedure that she had May her soul rest at peace. It was sad to hear but we weren’t close so it didn’t have a great affect on me. The next day I only have 2 more day till I’m on my flight and I started to get my luggage prepared so I wouldn’t have to do last minute things when I’m leaving because I tend to do that a lot lol. Around 10am I had 2 of my cousins knock on my door and tell me that their dad (my uncle) needs me. They are siblings with my cousin in who went to Mogadishu with the deceased aunt. I really didn’t think much of it since it was going to be the first time I’m seeing him! I assumed that he just wanted to see his nephew but that was not the case whatsoever. As soon as I got there he didn’t even give me a proper Salam he just got straight to lecturing. My Somali at the time was a little better when I first got to Somalia but it was still trash. He used words that I never even knew existed. I finally started to understand him when he started talking about marriage but I was still a little confused lol. Then he asked me if I was ready but I didn’t know what for. I asked him what was I supposed to get ready for? He then said “ You’re aunt already sent the money for the Nikkah (Wedding Ceremony) and the Food and Beverages. Your Nikkah is tomorrow. Fartun will make a wonderful wife.”. I was lost for words and I really didn’t know what to say. I told him that I’ll go call my aunt Sahro and see what your talking about. As my heart pounds faster every step I take I run to my grandma. I ask her if she knows what my uncle is talking about. She starts going off and agrees that I’m still young to “get married” so we call my aunt. She picks up the phone and start to feel very triggered and emotional from all of the pain she put me through. I let my grandma do the talking. She said that she wants Fartun to go to school and have a better life in Mogadishu instead of having her go back. I started to realize that I’ve been getting played since day 1. It now started to hit me that the whole reason why my family sent me on this summer trip to this other city wasn’t so I could have a “good” summer break with my grandma, it was because they were trying to “convert” me to a heterosexual. So after a little brainstorming I decided to play this game too! I had to turn on that Survival mode switch and play the game right because honey they were winning! I know that if I had refused this marriage that they would still have their suspicions of my Gayness but if I play along and act straight for awhile that I could actually convince them otherwise. I didn’t want to be stuck in a country where my life is always on the line so I decided to thug it out and outsmart these hoes. I accepted the marriage and acted very excited when I was really determined to beat them at their own game! The next day the Sheikh and Many relatives came. I was so nervous not knowing what to do I just sat down and went with the flow! An hour later the ceremony was over and my cousin Fartun and I were officially married. I felt so weird, but she felt even worse. She wasn’t in on the wedding plan and she had a whole love life with another guy who lives In her city. Her dad refused him to marry her because of his tribe. I felt really bad and I contacted her to let her know that I didn’t want this neither but since it’s official let’s try to make the best out of it . The next day I’m on a flight back to my Cousin Wife and my stomach had the worst butterflies you could imagine. I didn’t know what to expect! Stay tuned next Saturday for Part 2. Wishing y’all the best! Love y’all ❤️❤️🏳️🌈🇸🇴🦅